11 Things kids that were born in the 2000's won't know about (future is bleak)

1. Catdog

This show was AWESOME! Kids today will never be able to appreciate the dark and creative humor of Catdog. A Siamese twin cat and dog living above a blue mole; the show was nuts! I would feel sorry for today's generation if I weren't so disgusted with them at not being able to watch this.

2. Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samurai

"You know in ancient cultures, bears were considered equal with men."

Who of you who were 90's kids don't get chills when you hear that line? Watching Forest Whitaker slaughter two racist bear poachers will always be one of the defining experiences of my and nearly every other of my generation's collective childhood.

3. International Tribunal for the Prosecution of Persons Responsible for Serious Violations of International Humanitarian Law Committed in the Territory of the Former Yugoslavia since 1991 (ICTY)

Only one word to say about the good old ICTY: EPIC!!!!! I mean really, just wow! Formed on the back end of a pretty solid genocide the ICTY helped pave the way for the modern day International Criminal Court! And it's still going on today! Today's kids just won't know what it's like to witness an ad-hoc international tribunal emerge to prosecute people responsible for multiple instances of genocide in a horrible war. I almost wish we could go through this whole thing again so they can experience it, but they're so lame I don't care enough.

4. Possibly any ad-hoc international tribunal for war crimes and crimes against humanity!

Wow, let's put aside the genocides in Bosnia for a second and just take a moment to let this one sink in: With the existence of the International Criminal Court, the current crop of kids may not ever get to witness the creation of an ad-hoc international tribunal!!! Everything will just go straight to the International Criminal Court. Well in our day, we had to do it the hard way and I'm certainly proud of that! Sure glad I grew up in the 90's!

5. Ring Pops

Who didn't love these? Suckers that were on a goddamn ring! Remember feeling like a badass at school (in the 90's!) and sucking on one of these? Today's kids sure don't!

6. Tokyo Love Story

Pretty much the swan song of my generation. Let me just say it: if you were grew up in the 90's, then you watched Tokyo Love Story. Literally EVERYONE was obsessed with this show. And heartthrob Yuji Oda's breakout role! Oh and tell me this piano medley of the soundtrack I just found doesn't take you on an epic nostalgia journey! JUST GO AHEAD AND TELL ME! 

7. The Gulf War

Nuff said. Today's kids think they're tough because they experienced the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, well my generation did it first and did it best! Original Gulf War all the way, baby! 

8. The Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo case

Rape, sexual and physical torture, and murder, this dynamite husband and wife Canadian duo did it all! And one of them is even out of prison! They don't write 'em like this anymore folks. 1, 2, 3, NINETIEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!

9. Pogs

If you aren't old enough to remember Pogs then seriously fuck you. I will fucking slam my spider slammer through your skull.

10. The Transfer of Sovereignty of Hong Kong

If you weren't old enough to be alive during this event then I hate you with every ounce of hate that I can possibly push into the massive knot of hate in my stomach. Who didn't totally freak out when you got the news that Hong Kong was going to stop being part of the UK's weird, shitty, neo-colonialismish Commonwealth thingy, and start being part of more shitty China. Today's kids didn't freak out, I'll tell you that much.

11. The Plane Carrying Juvenal Habyarimana and Cyprien Ntaryamira is shot down

This is it! The one you've been waiting for! It's the event that sparked the beginning of the most well-known Genocide of the 90's! The Rwandan Genocide! Talk about drama! When it comes to the those of us that grew up in the 90's, we have hands down experienced the worst spat of genocides in human history! And this is the cherry on the cake! So take your Darfurs and Falun Gongs and shove them up your goddamn stupid ass you motherfucking kids today.